Last Confession
by CBloom2
Summary: Sam needs to unload - based on spoiler sneak peek from Clip Show 8.22 - won't happen like this so thought I would write it. K for a couple of words.


**At last! I've finally been inspired to write a new Supernatural fic. It's been a long time coming but I just haven't been blown away by anything until the last few episodes - now I'm loving all the brotherly stuff again. I'm just loving sick Sam and big brother Dean! **

**Anyway there are spoilers in this for 8.22 Clip Show. I saw a sneak peek for this episode and this came to me. I wrote it in about an hour so not sure how it sounds, but I had to get it down.**

**As always I do not own anyone you recognise ( not even the priest). Picked out some speech from the promo, not sure if I've got it completely right though. Hope its ok.**

Last Confession

"Did he..." a cough broke through the sentence, "Did he keep some records..." Another cough rattled through his thin frame. He covered his mouth with his hand, only to find it splattered with blood when he brought it away. He quickly glanced at Dean, who was sat on the pew behind him as he wiped his hand on his jeans.

The look of worry on his brothers face confirmed to Sam that he had seen the blood.

Sam turned to the priest, " Do you have a bathroom...maybe?" He choked out before another cough. The priest pointed to the back of the church, "Thanks," he mumbled as he got to his feet and made his way out of the pew he had been sitting in. He managed to manoeuvre himself past his silent brother without falling over his own feet, but he couldn't silence the bone wracking cough that overtook him on the way out.

As the sound of Sam's coughing diminished, Dean let out a breath that he hadn't realised that he'd been holding. He glanced behind him, hoping he didn't see his brother passed out on the floor again.

"Is he alright?" the priest asked, obviously picking up on Dean's unease.

Dean slowly rose to his feet, " No Padre, he's pretty damn far from alright - that's why we're here!"

He went on to explain vaguely about what was going on with Sam, the trials and that he was going to put all the demons etc back where they belonged and shut the gate once and for priest looked surprised at what Dean was telling him, given the condition of the younger man.

Dean went on to tell the holy man that after everything he'd seen Sam accomplish over the last few months, he had absolutely no doubt in his mind that Sam would 'cross that finish line.'

"So will you help us?" Dean finished hopefully.

The priest looked deep into the young man he saw before him. He saw sincerity and determination in his eyes. This man certainly did have faith in his ailing brother.

God had set these trials - he was a man of God so how could he refuse? "What can I do?" he asked.

Before Dean could answer, another voice was heard, "Will you hear my confession?"

Both pairs of eyes travelled in the direction of the voice. Dean couldn't help the gasp that left his lips at the state of his younger brother. He jumped to his feet to guide the noticeably paler and unsteadier taller man, "Come on Sammy, let's get you sat down..." he kept his arm around Sam's waist until he sat down.

"Will you hear my last confession?" he repeated.

"Sam..." Dean began to call him on his choice of words.

"It'll probably be my last confession no matter what happens next!" Sam insisted, a ghost of a smile on his fade.

The priest nodded, "Of course I will," he agreed.

Dean, satisfied that Sam wasn't going to fall over any time soon, began to get up to leave Sam and the priest in private. He was stopped by a strong, yet trembling hand on his arm, "Don't go - I need you to hear this," Sam explained, casting his tired eyes upon him. Dean looked at his little brother, fading before his eyes, and sat down under Sam's guiding hand.

When the priest was sure they were ready, he made the sign of the cross over Sam's head, who closed his eyes, "Bless me father for I have sinned..."

If .Dean was being really honest, he was feeling slightly uncomfortable being privvy to Sam's confession - but Sam's trembling hand was still pressing on his arm, so while ever his brother needed him there, that's where he would be.

"You see Father, me and Dean have hunted ghosts, demons, things from your worst nightmares all our lives. A demon killed our mum, dad, my girlfriend and many more of our family friends, including, very recently our surrogate father. We have fought against them all our lives. It's just been me and Dean for as long as I remember, ever since he carried me out of our burning house. He's brought me up - he's been both dad and big brother to me...I owe him everything."

Dean felt the hand on his arm squeeze tight - a silent acknowledgement.

"It's always been me and Dean against the world - we've always had each others backs...well Dean has always had my back..."

"Sammy..." Dean warned.

Sam opened his red rimmed eyes and looked deep into Dean's eyes, "This has to be said."

"What has to be said Sammy?" The priest enquired not noticing the sharp snap of Sam's gaze being back on him, "Only Dean calls me that...sorry," he explained - apologising when he remembered who he was talking to.

"My apologies Sam," the priest bowed his head, "Please continue..."

" Dean has always had my back - through the demon blood, Lucifer, the apocalypse...through everything. Then the one time..." he cleared his throat as he felt the familiar feeling of a cough beginning to make itself known, "The one time he needed me...I blew it!" He felt tears begin to build behind his tired eyes.

Dean shuffled, uncomfortable at what might come next.

"Do you want to continue Sam?" The priest probed, surprised to see tears pooling in the younger man's eyes.

"We'd been trying to stop the Leviathins from taking over humanity - we'd lost Bobby to them," he paused to swallow hard. Now Dean's hand was squeezing his arm, " We found the main man - got into a bit of a stand off then before we knew what was happening Dean had killed it but something else happened and my brother ended up in Pergatory! I was left here alone. I didn't know where he was at that time or if he was even alive. So what did I do? Did I tear through heaven and Earth to look for him? Did I call in all the favours I could to get to him? No! I did nothing! I dropped out. I walked around in limbo for a couple of months then..." Sam now had his head in his hands, rocking slightly, "All those years Dean was there for me - even when I left for college he was still with me - yet when he needed me to step up I abandoned him! I kept telling myself that we'd agreed that we wouldn't look for each other anymore - no more making deals...but that wasn't true - I just left him there...oh God, I left him there!" His rocking intensified as his gulit surfaced - more intense than ever.

Dean found himself frozen to the spot. To be honest, deep down, he was still smarting from being left in Pergatory by his brother - he hadn't been able to understand why. But now, watching that same brother fall apart in front of his eyes, he couldn't find it in his heart anymore to blame him. He scooted over to his brother, throwing an arm across him and pulling him close, trying to ignore the heat radiating from his brother.

The priest stepped over to them and placed a gentle hand on Sam's head, "What do you want to say to your brother Sam?" He asked the stricken man gently.

Sam sat up straight as if he'd suddenly had a burst of energy, " I'm so sorry Dean. I'm so sorry that I didn't look for you. I have no excuse, except that I'm a selfish son of a bitch. You have sacrificed everything for me - you continue to do so...and I'm just...I'm not fit to be called your brother," he finished sadly.

Dean's breath caught in his throat, "Don't you say that Sammy," he growled, "Don't you ever say that! Yes it hurt when I found out that you didn't look for me, I won't lie, but that's in the past. We have to think about now. As weirdly co-dependent as this sounds, my life is not complete without you in it - pure and simple. Charlie said that there's nothing we can't accomplish together - and that's exactly what we're gonna do. So what do you say about ending this crap once and for all? Sorry Padre..." Dean removed his arm from around his brother and lifted his face to meet his.

Sam's eyes were leaking tears, "Can you really forgive me?"

Dean smiled genuinely at his brother, "It's already forgiven and forgotten. So get your gargantuan ass moving and lets close those gates once and for all!"

Sam wiped his eyes on his sleeve and looked at both men in turn - his gaze lingering longest on his big brother - his protector - his rock that had always kept him grounded, even when he had fought against it. Dean had forgiven him. Dean believed in him...maybe he could do this after all, "Sounds like a plan," he smiled.

They heard a small chuckle as they remembered that the priest was there, "Then go with God's blessing..."

**So that's it. I realise that there still isn't a reason for Sam not looking for Dean in Pergatory but at least Sam's got some closure.**

**I'm so looking forward to the last couple of episodes.**

**Thank you for reading and I hope that if you review you won't be to horrible.**


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